Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
