well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
