I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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