Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't turn off my feet"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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