If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
