Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
