i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
