Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
