can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
false alarm. still invincible.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
