so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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