i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sober January is a disaster.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
