I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Are my feet made of real feet?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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