omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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