Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
