If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
