god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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