why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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