I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize