his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
