Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
