My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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