If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
