hotel room ftw
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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