We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
