Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
