sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
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I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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