I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
