Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
