I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
