my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
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he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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