it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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