Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
