good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
