Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize