I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I skipped work to stalk him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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