I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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