Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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