Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
