i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
