god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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