did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
