i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
