You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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