there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
