I hate all girls vehemently.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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