i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
