Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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