I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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