I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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