While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
