I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
420 ftw
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
