i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
