she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
