You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
