God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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