it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
