your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
