im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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