Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it's great music for shaving your balls
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I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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