apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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