remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
