I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
