dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
