Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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