The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
