I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Girls should come with a carfax report
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
