I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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