She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
