sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
