I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
