More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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