I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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