I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
