i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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