: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
