Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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