while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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