I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
