he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
