They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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