After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
