I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
