Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
