So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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