dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
